AUG.11.2013 - Change of Plans... Again

This summer I got a lot of on the job experience. unfortunately my plans have changed again. My goal was to be doing concept art and illustration full time at this point but I couldn't land the jobs I really wanted.

 I'm currently working at my old job as a school bus driver again, wasn't planning on it but its the smart thing to do. Straight up its been depressing. I really can only get 3 days of solid studying in a week now. So lets talk about the new plan. I want to get out of AZ, I need a change of scenery, I need to get to CA where the industry is and I can make some new friends and contacts. To do this it will be wise to get a new fuel efficient car, my gas guzzling jeep would use up too much money. I'm also going back on a study binge again where everything I do is for myself. I'm going to focus on my portfolio I'm going to be aiming for a pro level of work and aiming at very specific and prestigious companies. I don't want to work for small or new companies, I'll never feel fulfilled there, that was never what i wanted when I started doing this.

I have to be so hard on myself all the time, its the only way I can become what I want. That's not something just anybody can do. Not everyone can look at their work and take it at face value and say they expect more from themselves, that their designs aren't good enough or attractive enough. Not only that but when I'm this hard on my work its very personal, these are ideas that come from me, its not comfortable to say my ideas suck. But you get a thick shell and you shove your ego aside, and you work your ass off as often as you can because that is the only way anyone becomes one of the best at this. Nobody is expecting more from me than myself.

You can probably feel the struggle in my words. I've had a few moments like this in the past couple years and I've always held back on the blog during those times, but I want to remember this well when I finally succeed so when young artists tell me about this kind of struggle I can tell them I remember how it felt and to just keep pushing. I might be pissed and disappointed with myself but I will never give up.